In the first section of this chapter Eckhart spoke of how we use words to categorize and label, but for all their utility, words are limited in their ability to really describe anything, anyone. Now we delve into the words I, me, mine, and myself. These also are used to describe and categorize. And to build our identities.
Let’s consider how a child develops use of the word I. Once children learn their names they often speak in the third person. Rylla wants apples. Rylla has an owwie, etc. (No idea if I spoke this way; wish I could ask my mother, but she’s gone). Then comes the realization that instead of using my name, I can use the word “I” to talk about me and accomplish things. This is the beginning of realization of self as separate from others, and there’s power here. “I don’t want green beans. I want ice cream!”
The child, and we begin to recognize ourselves, and to build a concept of who we are, especially relative to others. I don’t like green beans but I do like ice cream. I like that toy, and now that I know it is for me, I call it mine. Ah yes, this is me and I own things. I’m getting the idea, and I like it! シ
This concept of self is a normal part of our development. As we live life, we add to it. I can now say I am a mom, a writer, a lover of birds and nature, on and on goes the description. I can add to it that I’m a homeowner, a published author, a good cook and a decent singer. Now you know more about who I am. I can show you pictures of myself, and let you begin to get an impression (carefully cultivated) of my self image. Do you see me? How good I am? How happy? Look how I dress. Oh, and did you notice the nice car I drive? Or the brand names I am wearing?
All this to fit in, to be seen and accepted. My ego worries about how I come across all the time. It is, in its own way, trying to protect me. It always remembers my most embarrassing moments and tries hard to keep me from more of those. It gets offended and hurt easily, is quick to judge others and to judge me.
And, it stifles my life, stifles me being me.
None of my descriptions of myself or the things I have accumulated are really who I am. They are a collection of roles and accomplishments, of stuff I “own.” They are the ways I try to enhance myself to be loved and accepted. I show you all this to have you see me as worthy of you and your attention, your love.
But who am I underneath all that? Hmmm…sometimes I’m not sure I’m anybody. That’s why it can take me so long to be willing to look more deeply. That’s why I cover it with stuff to try to impress you.
Let’s go back to the child. Once a child recognizes I, me and mine, the set up for suffering begins. If a toy is broken or taken away, the child cries. “Fix my toy!!” or “That is mine! Give it back to me!” The child has become attached and believes that they are enhanced by the toy and diminished without it, for whatever reason. Next the child becomes attached to a way of being seen, a personality. This one is the quiet one, this one the clown, this one is super responsible, and this one is the smart one.
And we continue this as adults. We become a collection of roles and accomplishment and the things we own. When they are, for whatever reason, taken away we suffer. Did you lose your job, or your identity? What happens when things are broken, lost, stolen? How much do you suffer?
Eckhart points to the roles we play, the things we accumulate and the image we carefully craft; none of these is really who we are. Nor are we the incessant thinking that we do. So who are we? We are that which is aware, is the observer of the roles, the stuff, the image, the thinking, that which is always there within no matter what is happening out there.
Maybe confusing but stay with it. We’re only in chapter two, so much more coming to help us understand and practice to learn deeply.
Eckhart invites us to begin to be aware of the ego, noticing the voice in the head, (which is the title of the next section). It’s a practice. If it seems nebulous or out of reach for you right now, you are not alone. This comes and goes for me, and I’ve been at it for a long time.
After a while it does begin to sink in. The wisdom accumulates, and becomes more easily accessible. Sometimes my ego still runs amok and I am not aware until after, until damage has been done. And, sometimes I notice my ego is active as I react, sometimes even before I react.
As the learning/understanding continues through life experience and practicing, it gets easier. Sometimes I avoid suffering. Sometimes I still suffer, but not as long. And even as I suffer I realize that I am in charge of whether I continue to suffer or not.
The good news? There are so many opportunities to practice. Eckhart will offer us many examples as we continue exploring. Usually I find it’s the little things that trip me up. Like the other day when I thought I had lost my new earbuds…panic ensued. Really Rylla, over earbuds? Yes really. I can get so bothered by the little things.
I’ve been practicing a long while now, but still get caught up. The little voice in my head was wreaking havoc with the present moment, telling me that I should have been more careful and what a stupid person I was, etc. Not fun, not productive, not necessary.
“Let it go, Rylla!” I kept telling myself. “You will find them or not but either way you are okay. These things happen and no, you are not stupid.” Finally I felt the panic release. I was fine without them. Heck, a couple of days not listening to stuff online and instead be more fully present where I was would be good. I was in Kenya at the time with beautiful sites and sounds of nature all around. I breathed in my surroundings, and was able to let it go. Wow, did that feel better.
Yup, it’s a practice. Oh and yes, I found my earbuds. シ
Thank you for reading/listening. We’ll get more into this idea of letting go of ego attachments as we continue with this Wise Words book group. Whether you are reading “A New Earth” or not, I hope you are finding some resonance with these words.
Thank you, namaste, and make it a great day,