I woke up this morning feeling odd. I got myself to yoga and decided to meditate in preparation for teaching. Toward the end of my meditation, I felt sadness coming up. I couldn’t really identify it, but noticed that it was strong. Well, that explained why I was having trouble connecting to my beautiful life and feeling gratitude. Today the voice in my head was broadcasting sadness.
And so I let myself fully feel the sadness. Tears arose, as did some relief. I began to teach class, and realized that I wasn’t finished with the sadness. And so I opened my heart to my students, explaining to them, that, during this time of festivity and giving and appreciation, I was feeling sad. About what? Not sure. All the strife and division happening on the planet, feeling helpless, etc. More tears flowed, and I realized I wasn’t alone in these feelings.
Sometimes when I don’t feel good and I don’t know why, I find it helpful to just go ahead and feel not good. I don’t necessarily have to figure out why I have the feeling, I can just honor it. Then the feeling fully expresses itself and I find myself letting go of it and then I begin to feel better, more myself, less self involved.
And speaking of self involved, let’s talk about The Voice in the Head, the next section of A New Earth. シ
After some fuzzy parts (for me anyway) in this book, now we get to something more concrete and relatable. Excellent!
In this section, Eckhart talks of a time of discovery for him when he was a young academic, studying at the University of London. In his commute he ran across a woman on the train more than once. She was noticeable because she seemed quite insane, constantly talking, yelling and chattering to some unseen person. She was angry and spoke defensively of being wronged.
On one occasion as the train came to a stop she got off and Eckhart followed behind as she was heading in the same direction he was. Soon she entered a building that served as a library and administrative center. He was shocked. How could she have anything to do with his place of education? Was she an employee, a student, or a psychological case? Eckhart’s identity was wrapped up with being an intellectual, and he saw the university as a “temple of knowledge.”
He continued to consider her while in the public bathroom. “I hope I don’t end up like her,” he thought. The man next to him looked over, and Eckhart suddenly realized that he had spoken that thought aloud. “Oh my God, I’m already like her.”
This is where discovery occurred. He realized his mind was just as active as hers, only he didn’t usually voice his thoughts. She seemed filled with anger; he with anxiety.
If she was mad, then everyone was mad, including myself. There were differences in degree only.
Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
For a brief moment he detached from his thoughts enough to become aware of his thoughts. And in that moment, he began to laugh.
Life isn’t as serious as my mind makes it out to be.
Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
He had caught a glimpse of his chattering mind, of the ego that was constantly talking, making up stories in his head, worried about how he looked, trying to control every situation. But he only caught a glimpse. He continued to live in thoughts of anxiety and depression for another three years, until awareness returned, this time through a tragic occurrence. When it did, it came to stay.
And that dear ones, we will address in the next post. シ
Meanwhile I invite you to begin to notice your thoughts. Perhaps question them even. Sometimes, they are quite mad!
Thanks again, and not sure when I’ll be back with you. Maybe before the holidays, maybe after. Meanwhile, I’m thankful we’re on this journey together.
Namaste,