(oh, and the footnote!)
I was perusing articles on stuff and how we interact with it, how we feel about ownership. I ran into a lovely blog called Shaping Sixty that referenced an article in The Guardian about Barbara Iweins who photographed everything she owned.
Wow…and that’s just one room. Made me think, prodded me to consider all my stuff, how much I have of it, and how I feel about it, when I have to manage it, when I lose it, when I let it go.
Do we own our things, or do our things own us? I feel like it’s a balancing act, and if I’m not aware and noticing as I continue to collect stuff, the scales can quickly tip.1 So, I own this house, that car, this keepsake, that bag and these jeans. But none of this that I own has anything to do with who I am.
Wait what? Nothing that we own has anything to do with who we are.
But it does, doesn’t it? Don’t I show my personality, my likes and style through what I own? Yes, we do that, and it’s kind of the fun part of owning things, of having things in our lives that we love and do happiness over.
But then comes the rub, the attachment to said things. If I love this bag or those jeans and suddenly they are gone or ruined, how do I feel? Am I upset? Do I feel diminished in some way? Okay then, I was definitely attached, or saw that thing as adding to my identity.
It’s often not until people are dying that they let go of identification with things, with all they own. We look for ourselves through what we own; we try to show other people who we are according to where we live, what we wear, the car we drive, (or no car) the way we eat, the brands we own, etc. But really, this is all a story, and isn’t at all connected to who we are. Who I am is there with or without what I own.
We get completely caught up in the trappings. There’s nothing wrong with things, nothing wrong with living/working within a system that tells stories of ownership. It helps keep some order after all. And, it’s where we can learn to practice a bit of letting go, an ease with having or not having stuff in our lives.
It’s not stuff that really matters. And that can be hard to take in. It doesn’t matter in the big picture scheme of life.
It’s funny that trappings can really trap us.
TRAPPINGS -
The outward signs, features, or objects associated with a particular situation, role or job. “I had the trappings of success.”
But there’s a second definition that I didn’t know.
a horse’s ornamental harness.
Ornamental, meaning not really necessary, and a harness. Doesn’t hold much appeal when I think of trappings that way. But we go for them, the trappings of success, of appearances, etc. Usually we are trying to fill a hole in our lives because we don’t feel we are enough existing as beings only; we need to be owning, showing off beings.
There are many ways to show off, so we need not own things to do that. Eckhart speaks of how sometimes people release all their worldly goods as a spiritual practice. They claim to understand that life isn’t about possessions or things. Sometimes it works and they find freedom in the practice. But often they become attached to the identity of being spiritual or holy, and act in a superior way.
(Anytime we feel superior or inferior to someone we can know that our ego is at work, but we’ll get into that later in the book.)
Anyway, we don’t need to give up all our worldly goods. We just need to remember that sometimes when we get overly focused on what we own and how we look our being gets completely obscured, covered up and we begin to obsess; we lose our joy and the freedom of life.
When we study our relationship with stuff, we can begin to realize that it doesn’t define us. Even if I had a lot less stuff, I’d still be me. Just me with less or different stuff. Somehow this helps me when I lose something or even when something is “taken” from me.
Here’s how I now see it (thank you ET). I am a being, wandering around this planet. Around me, attached at least somewhat, is all the stuff I own. My home, car, furnishings, a cello, clothing, shoes, my investments, etc. The more I own, the more I have to juggle. The more attached I am to what I own, the more its potential to choke me. When I have too much or am too attached, I feel heavy, laden with worry, stressed about managing it all. And the more I worry, the less free I feel, the less I can see the blessings in my life, the less I notice the beauty around me right now, that has nothing to do with what I own.
For me this is not a once and done lesson. It’s apractice, and, one of the best times to practice is when something is lost/taken from me.
The thought forms of “me” and “mine,” of “more than,” of “I want,” “I need,” “I must have,” and of “not enough” pertain…to the structure of the ego.
No matter what you have or get, you won’t be happy. You will always be looking for something else that promises greater fulfillment, that promises to make your incomplete sense of self complete…
Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth
This reminds me of a story that I thought I read in Eckhart’s writings. I am not finding it right now, but anyway here is the gist. As a woman is cleaning she knocks over a large vase that breaks. She is apologetic, offering to pay for it to try to replace it. The owner smiles and says “No problem. I bought that vase for my joy, not my pain.”
Thank you and namaste. Make it a good day.
This is perhaps easier for me to be aware of because of our limited space. My husband’s and my trajectory and choices meant that our largest home was our first. I fell in love with a home built in 1920. It had lots of potential, lots of charm, and needed lots of work. We thought we’d be there forever, but in the end we moved after seven years.
We moved (also in the US) to a city where housing was more expensive, and so we bought a smaller home. Rather than feel squished, we felt a bit lighter, and noticed the ease of less house to manage. The next move took us to Switzerland, and this time we moved into an apartment, a bit smaller.
Living in smaller space means that we must keep the stuff flowing like a river. When I buy something, I ask myself, where will I store this? What can I give away to make room?
This may sound like a sacrifice, but it’s not. It actually really freeing, and helps keep me feeling lighter.
Thanks again, and until next time.