Being Right, Making Wrong, & In Defense of An Illusion
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, Chapter 3, Sections 3 & 4
Being Right, Making Wrong
When we complain, we automatically feel superior, because we are, by virtue of the complaint, thinking that something should not be as it is and that we know better how it should be. And that feeds the ego. It’s a version of fighting with what is, which while it seems strong, and, look at me not putting up with any shit!, it doesn’t really accomplish anything. But we like hanging out there. God knows I have been there lots recently with all that’s going on in the world right now.
There is nothing that strengthens the ego more than being right.
For you to be right, of course, you need someone else to be wrong, and so the ego loves to make wrong in order to be right.
Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth
Okay, so now, how to not complain? Instead, only describe the situation. You can even know that you don’t like it. But know that even that is an opinion, a temporary assessment. You think you won’t change your opinion? Come on, think of some food you hated as a child but now love. We all change our opinions. So the trick is to know that in the moment and not become completely attached to the opinion, to think it is a part of who I am.
But what of values? If we’re always changing our minds, blowing this way or that with the wind, what of values? Well, this is where discernment is required and this is not easy. All I can say is keep reading with me and let’s be open to learning, understanding more as we continue to study, all of our lives. With time and practice comes wisdom.
So, we are welcome to an opinion, but need not see it as part of our identity. I can say this is what I think. And I don’t need to convince you of that in order to be myself. I can recognize that we are different people coming from different backgrounds and have differing perspectives, views and opinions.
Not needing to convince you, I may, coming from a grounded, aware place, be able to talk with you, respectfully, and in the end, really be okay with whatever you end up thinking. But I’m not convincing you. You are making your own decision, and I get to be okay with that.
So, I am free of the job of convincing you. When I write that, I can feel the relief. Now I can speak freely, listen to you and let that be that. Maybe you or I will change our opinions, but hey, whatever.
If this feels confusing to you, well, me too. That’s why I’ve struggled to write this post. One thing I know is that often, after tremendous confusion, clarity comes1 It’s like the crisp clean air after a storm. And so I’m okay with feeling confused. Sometimes taking a break helps. As does staying with the commitment to keep learning. So let’s jump into the next section, which I found quite helpful.
In Defense of An Illusion
Facts exist, and they don’t care about your opinion. They will exist regardless. When you don’t see or agree with my opinion and I get defensive, take things personally, then I’ve moved away from the facts and into ego.
Every ego confuses opinions and viewpoints with facts.
Only through awareness—not through thinking—can you differentiate between facts and opinion. Only through awareness are you able to see: There is the situation and here is the anger I feel about it, and then realize there are other ways of approaching the situation, other ways of seeing it and dealing with it.
Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth
Only through awareness can we realize that fighting against doesn’t convince people that they are wrong. Only when we are grounded and have a wider perspective can we see more of what can work.2 It is why I strongly believe in standing for what you believe in rather than protesting against what you don’t.
We can have a heated discussion and still each stand for what we believe in. This is discourse, and when we aren’t leading with the ego, we even hear each other. Again, writing this feels right - little r right, as in resonates with my beingness, rather than my ego. And wow that feels good.
Thanks for being with me on this journey. I am a yoga and mindfulness teacher, and offer classes online and in Basel, Switzerland. I’d love to hear from you.
I was feeling so sad/melancholy reading about some of the violence happening on the planet, really feeling lost and confused. It is only now, in coming back to this book and these words, that I can feel my way into something I can do to stand for what I believe in that will harness my energy in a way that can have a positive ripple effect.