Wise Words
When I wrote last about books, I mentioned Ekchart Tolle’s A New Earth and Stop Reading the News by Rolf Dobeli. Now more on those as well as book number three and how they all have impacted my life.
The third book that has impacted my day to day life is Loving What Is, by Byron Katie. It was not an easy book for me to read, or take in. But it was compelling. I felt a strange determination to stick with it and learn from it.
But let me back up, and discuss all three books for a moment. All of these books have a great deal to do with how I spend my time in my head. That is to say, which thoughts are permeating my experience. Because turns out, as much as I’d sometimes like to say it’s not in my control, I actually believe it is. And this is good news.
Can you control your thoughts? Well no…not control exactly. But I do believe that you can, with awareness, influence which thoughts you want to let live and flourish within your mind. And this is important, because really, isn’t it thoughts that color our experience? They are lens the through which we experience life.
Here’s what I notice. It can be a beautiful day, great weather, nothing stressful happening, and yet, if my thoughts are negative, for whatever reason1 I have what I call a bad day. I tend to obsess on things, and when obsessing I notice all that is wrong in the world and in myself; I berate myself endlessly (how lazy ARE you going to be today?) and find fault everywhere. I notice the bad drivers, the tiny crack in my glass cup that I should probably throw away. I spend time not liking any of these things. I especially don’t like me on those days. And I don’t write. On those days it’s clear to me that I am not a good writer (and I’m not because if I write, it reflects my obsessive thoughts). I question why I even bother with the “Who do you think you are?” voice.
Take that same beautiful day when for whatever reason I feel good, and nothing bothers me. I see a crack in my glass coffee cup and appreciate that it’s tiny and that I will still be able to use the cup for a long time. There are no bad drivers, just maybe someone having a stressful, rushed day and I easily give them space, take my time, and arrive wherever I’m headed feeling good. Generous and calm even.
A while ago I decided to foster more of those calm days in my life. To do that, I do sometimes look for what triggers my moods. But more than that, I focus on learning how to access the deeper part of me more often, the still calm waters where wisdom calm and understanding, greater perspective reside. Like the calm waters of the sea, they are always there.
This is my seeker’s journey; to approach life through this lens of calm and wisdom rather than through my obsessive thoughts. It’s a process. Some moments I am there, others I am so far in the other direction. I am a work in progress. Figuring out how to access this wise part of me more and more is happening, and has been greatly fostered by many outside sources, especially these three books. シ
Stop Reading the News by Rolf Dobeli2 put news into perspective for me and showed me that my addiction to the news was not noble, nor proof of my intelligence; all it did was sour my thoughts unnecessarily. I have not completely stopped reading/taking in news, however my relationship with it has changed and my mental health is far better for it.
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle clarified that there are two me’s. My thinking, sometimes obsessive self and my aware self - the part of me that can notice what I am thinking. It solidified my suspicion that I’d much rather operate from my awareness than from my thinking mind or as he calls it, ego.3 It does not mean that my thoughts are bad, just that I can bring awareness and sifting to my thinking. This book has had an incredibly powerful positive impact on my day to day life experience.
And finally, Loving What Is by Byron Katie. This book is about radical acceptance (which is not to be confused with acquiescence). It helped me deeply understand that I am in a much better place to respond (not react) to whatever is happening in my life, seem it great or terrible, when I let go of resisting what has already happened. I have learned (sometimes) to let go of the “this shouldn’t oughta be this way!!!!” thoughts. I knew the concept before reading the book4 but it took root in my life so much more after.
All of these books are re-readable to me. Each time I peruse the pages I get reminders I need, and new insights. Also, I like to read them in community. I’ve lead book groups before and am due for another one, and have decided to read, write about, and somewhat interpret A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle next. I’ll be doing that here on Substack for my paid subscribers (I’ll share a shorter, less in depth version for all) as well as arranging a conversation opportunity once a month.5 Let’s see what happens!
My journey to considering my thoughts began long ago, but was put into higher gear a few months before my sister died, when she said to me, “I don’t know why I have been so hard on myself.” I decided in that moment that I was going to endeavor to do less of that (being hard on myself) and do more savoring of moments, however many I had left. That conversation with my sister, along with my love of sharing what I am learning and experiencing, led directly to writing this newsletter. I do have more moments of kind, gentle awareness and appreciation in my life, and there is still room for lots more. As mentioned before it is a process, a journey, one I try to bring understanding and compassion to. And I’m so glad to have you along for the ride. We have much to learn from each other. 🙏🏼
Always trying to figure out reasons why something like a mood is occurring hasn’t worked well for me. I really get into my thinking mind and I do not connect to my wise self. What I now prefer to do is notice my mood, accept that it is what it is, and if it’s not a great one, then see if I can do something to feel a little bit better. Just accepting it usually makes me feel a little bit better.
All book links (which may expire) are to a company called Better World Books. They ship worldwide, usually free, and donate a book for each book you buy.
It has been the most impactful of the three books; I am currently doing an online course with Eckhart Tolle and the learning just keeps on going deeper.
Not long after I read Loving What Is, I found it noted as a suggested book from an acquaintance six years before. I guess I just wasn’t ready then. シ
If you want more details about reading in community, please email me or comment here.